beulahbondo's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Take this, brother, may it serve you well

Nancy Drew writes:"The prince and I were married on October 5, not 6!...Did I tell you of my morning Y ritual? Doing that elliptical thing and getting chatted up by the old guys who faithfully show up and drape themselves over the stairmasters, sometimes talking about their heart surgery recovery. Very sweet. There is one guy, an ex-Marine type, longer brush cut, could put on the uniform in a flash, maybe late 40s who is there every day and is obsessed with cleanliness --yesterday I saw him open a door via the doorknob with a plastic bag over his hand. Hmm, he was also loudly telling another guy how he's 'through with women' -- how could someone freaked out by germs have sex anyway? write more soon in your diary...i'm starting to want one...but not sure i can keep up! "

Kids, don't you think Nancy Drew should have her own diary? She can wring life out of a paper bag. Or, as my grad school advisor said to me once, "You can write your way out of a paper bag." What does that mean? How difficult is it to get out of a paper bag? Jessica (my advisor and professor) would also write on people's papers, "Right on to you, I say." The one time I tried to write that on my own student's paper, I collapsed laughing. Sometimes I say it to myself while I'm brushing my teeth, just for a foamy giggle.

College report: I'm afraid this is postponed, as I haven't heard back yet from Smooth Paul with his permission to repeat his hijinx. One story that I think is okay to relate is a bit of a puzzler. There's some sort of campaign on his campus to not drink Coke. Not drinking Coke apparently demonstrates your support for AIDS research. Coke = Death? I don't know, and neither does Smooth Paul. Anyone heard of this?

Dress shields, part 2: Yesterday's round ended up with a couple of crumpled shields down around my elbows, held by my long sleeves. The Stain Stoppers (tm) do apply and remove in seconds, as promised. My mistake was removing and reapplying twice, so that I lost the adhesive. These disposable shields are basically pittiliners (pronounced like milliner, per Debbie's excellent suggestion to Kitty a ways back. So today I'm going with unscented Carefrees. They're much cheaper.

I once had a chenille sweater made of the kind of acrylic that bonds with sweat to produce a new, longlasting acrid odor. I liked the sweater, so I would pin old socks inside. That worked, but it was bulky. That was back when I wore everything big; now I've trimmed my sails to whippet-size.

In other product news, I'm now brushing my teeth with Monkey Brand black tooth powder. It's ayurvedic! Ingredients include haritaki, saurashtrl, and ajwanka phoof. I list these not because they're foreign and therefore wacky and hilarious, but because I really like the way they sound (and smell - phoof!) If you want the scary foamy black mouth look, I recommend Monkey Brand. When I go to the dentist (in two hours, coincidentally) I'm going to lather up Monkey Brand-style while I rinse and throw a scare into Bob! (Bob's my dentist. And unlike Garloo, I do fross.)

North Korea. Badness. Now there would be a catastrophic war, one which the current occupant of the White House better not get into, no matter how good it feels to rub his johnson when he thinks about invading Iraq.

High tea. Stopped by my old school yesterday for Thursday tea. This is a stand-up affair in the basement; the kids get all likkered up on cookies and shed their everyday burden of being wikkid smart kids at a wikkid smart high school. It was great fun. I got mobbed and hugged and I even, perhaps unwisely, gave this Web address out to a couple of them. My alleged indiscretion was one "issue" that led to my not teaching there anymore, of which more some other day. But hi, Rhett and Pinky, if you're reading. You crazy kids. Pinky, your college essay is great and I will email you later with comments.

Why all the sweat, anyway? I've always been sweaty, but for the past year I've been taking a popular antidepressant that makes me more so. Just to clarify, I do use an antiperspirant, and not a hippie kind, so I don't need suggestions in that vein.

Sign my guestbook, okay? It's at the top of the page now.

Tomorrow: Possibly the college report from Smooth Paul; definitely a report on Al Bradley's yard sale and going-away party.