beulahbondo's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This-ox and that-ox

If you love Kitty, you'll enjoy this excerpt from our blonk the other night, which I have considerately edited down from 11 pages (in Word) to 2.

Beulah: I can barely remember how to do this.
Kitty: omg it's been SO long!
Beulah: you know I never blonk w/ anyone but you.
Kitty:i used to blonk so much
Beulah: And I, so seldom.
Kitty:i know! you're smart. i got suct into the vortex of it,
Beulah: ha ha, suct.
Kitty:so you got gallup polled?
Beulah: yeah! I kept calling it Nielson. But it's Gallup.They asked me about GWB, and the war in Iraq. And now I'm going to be polled twice a month. I'm a Gallup ambassador, they said!
Kitty: did you tell them you are a member of Billionaires for Bush?
Beulah: No, you can only answer approve or disapprove.
Kitty: ah. it's binary.
Beulah: Do you think I'll get special license plates? And diplomatic immunity?
Kitty: then you can do drugs with five year old thai prostitutes at the embassy!
Beulah: Aw yeah. And adopt a Cambodian child named Baddox.
[Then begins a long inane exchange of words ending with �ox.� ]
Beulah: Oh, man, I have not mentioned this to you, but my dad is having surgery next week. He is having a chunk of colon taken out. It apparently has a wee bit of cancer in it. He's being incredibly positive, if not breezy, about it.
Kitty: Positive is great. Breezy is more like... denial, maybe? Who can be breezy about surgery?
Beulah: Nah. Apparently it really is a wee chunk of cancer, like 5 mm, and there is no reason to believe it is anything but localized. Plus, geez, he had a quintuple bypass last year, you know? This must seem like a pedicure by comparison.
Kitty: I know! I was just trying to remember what his surgery had been.
Beulah: But when I picture the surgery I can only imagine like a magician pulling a scarf out -- more and more and more. � [long story about Beulah's brother deleted. Then the following exchange overlaps and results in comic confusion.] How are you and your pop doing?
Kitty: Your brother is sort of the Buster, right? You're the Michael Bluth.
Beulah: not even. I wish! No, my sister is Michael! I'm Gob!
Kitty: I saw him at a restaurant last week, btw.
Beulah: Wha? He was in LA?
Kitty: You are NOT Gob! Ha ha! Jason Bateman.
Beulah: I am so Gob but I wish I was Lindsay. Oh! I thought you meant your father.
Kitty: You are so not Gob! Oh jeez. No. That motherfucker will never come visit me. He's fine, we're fine.
Beulah: I was picturing him roaring up on his bike.
Kitty: I'm still disappointed about the way he handled the holiday mess.
Beulah: Yeah.
Kitty: But we've moved on mostly.
Beulah: My brother is like your dad, a little. What did Jason Bateman look like? Adorable?
Kitty: he looked depressed and scruffy!
Beulah: awww. where'd you see him?
Kitty: he'd gained a few ell-bees, and shaggy hair and beard. at M Cafe de Chaya--this macro place in Hollywood.
Beulah: To quote Lisa Simpson: I know all of those words, but it doesn't make sense.
Kitty: I was with my friend Xeni, who mentioned it to the ed of blogging.la, and he posted it... hang on, I'll find the link.
Beulah: again, I know all of those words...When I see phrases like "best podcast of a weblog" I just have to laugh
Kitty: Bateman and Kattan were eating together.
Beulah: No! really! Which one is shorter?
Kitty: Bateman is at least 6'. Kattan is like... 5'7? Not sure.
[Conversation about Kitty's boyfriend redacted. Also long, inane conversation about Coffeemate. A mention of the large, bulbous packaging of the latter -- not the former! leads to the following:]
Kitty: It doesn't pretend to be a milk bottle. Or does it? nor a soy... box. soybox?
Beulah: he's maddox's brother.
Kitty: HAAAA
Beulah: Maddox is going to be one angry little Cambo when that baby comes.
Kitty: Cambo!!! Ha ha!
Beulah: That's what the Cambodian kids call themselves. I bet he bites the new African baby. He's been mommy's boyfriend for such a long time!
Kitty: but it has HIV! No biting, Cambox!
[more inane blather about this-ox and that-ox]
[then some stats about how many guys named Michael we have dated]
[then Kitty has to leave, because she is going to the John Doe show]
Kitty: goodnight my dear.
Beulah: adios, Kittox!
Kitty: Beulox!
Beulah: bye! Ask your pharmacist about Beulox!
Kitty: ha ha!
Beulah: bye!
Kitty: bye!
Beulah: lylas!

6:21 p.m. - 2006-01-31

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next